hari yang sedih

kan dah kata, kalo ade kemalangan, takkanlah takde paper. lagi teruk drpd kmalangan no.1.
dah bagitau die... I rasa sedih, sbb kereta rosak, dan sedih krn die kena bayar. entah lah.. hari yang muram sungguh.. dah lah semalan tidur 2-3 jam saje (tapi tak tido dlm kelas pon!)

retak.. :(

alignment sudah out

dua dua, bukan "gua"

kereta aku sudah terbabit dlm dua kemalangan, dan dua-dua pun bukan aku yang pandu.
Kemalangan 1, kawan aku gostan terus ke keretaku. Berlambak ruang kat kedua2 tepi, tapi kawan tu tak beri perhatian. Entahlah.. itu pun agak sedih kerana tak dapat baiki 100%. Lagipun hari tu I parking kejap je, untuk tukar baju- tak sampai 5 minit. malang siot -_-

kemalangan 2, saya tak tengok lagi, tapi die kata kerata I takde paper. Bila parking, dia gostan kena kereta orang lain. Saya dah rasa sedikit tak selesa untuk beri orang yang belum ada lesen memandu untuk memandu kereta I, tapi semua orang kena belajar. Die kata nak latih sebelum ujian dia.. Saya rasa nak duduk dalam kereta dengan die, baru lega hati, tapi ada assignment kena buat. Rakan die yang konon-nya tau memandu, tapi saya kurang percaya padanya. Biasalah bagi I, kalau tak pernah duduk kereta orang tu, memang tak percaya 100% akan panduannya. Entahlah, tapi benda2 tentang kereta, saya akan rasa sedih. sebab I tau (rasa2) kalau I pandu, % menyebabkan kemalangan kuranglah drpd org2 lain. mungkin ini suatu benda yang kena ubah.. I rasa susah mau jual kereta yang nampak macam sudah kena hentam.

walaubagaimanapun, (<-- lol) esok baru aku gi check macam mana kondisi kerataku... harap2 betul2 takde paper lah..

bm I memang teruk gila.. hahaha.. harap kamu semua are entertained. hahaha..
aih, malam ni takyah tido. kena buat kerja merepek ni. esok kena siap.

Entah knape agak stoic sejak kebelakangan ni. rasa macam....


ps - baru perasan i tulis dlm profile " Ive had 83rd battles"... bila baca tu, rasa skarang macam dah tua.. tengok blog ni pon rasa mcm malu skit.. haha.. tapi takpe lah, I tau diri sendiri cukup :p

miscalculation

When I first came, being the thrifty person that I was, i calculated every single thing and typed it up in a spreadsheet. But being lazy, this only lasted about 3 months.

After that, i just did the thrifty thing in my head.
This only lasted 1 year.

Then i started spending more freely.

Then i move out to a more expensive accommodation.


Today, I was doing some much overdue calculation of funds.

What i discovered was really shocking.
If it were not for me saving up so much in my 1st and 2nd year, i would NOT have survived 3rd year (the year in which i did no calculation).

What birthed all these was that, I was trying to decide how much i could tithe consistently, and whether I would be able to give to 2 churches at 1 go.

I realised that I dont have enough to survive the year.
Either that or my extra expenses have to be no more than AUD1032 for the entire year.
By extra expenses, i mean anything outside of fixed monthly certainties (Rent, Utilities, Handphone, household, petrol, tithes).
Extra expenses including things like my own groceries, eating out, hair cuts, shampoo, etc..

100 per month for those? not possible. not unless i eat drumsticks and rice every dinner and sandwich every lunch. And not buy...well, anything else.

Dont talk about buying my own air ticket this year, dont even have enough for even my own expenses.

I cant believe moved out to this new place without calculating the consequences, LITERALLY calculating!


shit. well, either i call in the cavalries, ie. mom and dad, or I somehow continue chipping away at my savings from 1st and 2nd year until the well is dry.


NOW im considering moving out. before this i was so adamant about NOT moving out when someone asked. its funny how money drives people, or lack of.
2 bird, 1 stone.


Those who know my strict Rm3.50-Rm4 nasi lemak/day, 0 cups of soya bean in 1.5 years regime would know, this is quite distressing to me. sigh. I only have myself to blame for not calculating sooner. what have I done?!! :(

I saw someone getting told he had metastatic cancer, and that it wasnt curable (but can be treated to prolong life)

I saw the family, 3 generations present. Tight family, he was the only guy in the family. old guy. I suspect the father of his grandchild divorced or died, or the grandchild born out of wedlock.
They had contorted upset expressions, trying to hold in their tears. They were in the room crying. The doctor left to consult someone..and there I was....I wanted to leave too.

I learned something about myself that day, or reminded.

The way I cope with things is by escaping. Usually in the mind, but sometimes physically.


Another word for 'escaping' is 'running away'.

I feel my insides churning, both mind and body exhausted. this uncomfortable feeling is liken to one of break ups... The unsettling feeling of knowing its over, before its over. Its your mind preemptively preparing you for some things.

I cant help but feel like a selfish comfort worshiping person. Its funny how I can make a decision that is in the distant future which will seemingly be even more difficult than this... but then at this, ARGH. Am I deluded?

Its so much easier just not to be put in this position in the 1st place. And from the get go, i never felt I was up for it... but my prideful self also thought "im not that bad lah.. can make it"


WTH MANNNNNNNNNNNN! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. frustrated with the situation..

ignorance IS bliss, but ignorance is the suppression of truth.

"Kxxxxxxx Cxxxx
Say wert???! Bear Grylls speaking at Hillsong this Sat?"

Whaaat.... -_-"


haha

ARGH!!!! CURSE OF THE ACCIDENT.
I just backed up into an immobile car which I PARKED IN FRONT OF. i looked at my rear mirror and didnt see it!! (because my car is quite high....and i didnt look properly i guess). I reversed HARD and the sound "BOP".. I thought to myself, "what.. it cant be that I hit the tree, i reverse straight back (there was a tree at the back-right of my car). I got down and saw the car, and felt my heart sink. I drove my car home, half hoping to just ignore it; coz at 2am, nobody was there, and i bet the guy wouldnt be able to track me down once I go back to sydney and that my car will be sold off. lol.
but that is terribly evil, and I wouldnt want that to happen to me. So i left a note with my contact ( actually my dad's number, coz im flying off tmrw. haha).
As far as im concern, this stupid dent will cost less than RM100 to fix, esp if they just knock it back. However, i'm just afraid this guy takes this opportunity to replace the whole bonnet AND/OR repair the other damages of his car.

So i took some pictures of the damage as well as other damages on the car's body that WAS NOT caused by me.
What can I say, im 2 for 3. Last summer when I came back, my car skidded in the rain (I was driving at like 40-50km/h only) and i poked a car and the bumper got slightly damaged. That was out of my control, but that still ran me nearly RM200 to replace a NEW bumper (coz just fixing it wouldnt do, esp when someone else is paying).

anyway, enough rant. im upset, but its just RM200 tops. i shouldnt be too upset.
flying back tmrw, havent packed bcoz was chatting into the night.

sigh.

edit: mistake, it was early 2009 that my car skidded..