bi polar bear polar

I need to grow up. I need to grow up fast.
I need to grow up. I need to grow up strong.
I need to grow up. I need maturity.
I need to grow in Christ.

I feel like an infant, a child at most. I ask if i could play with the up there with the big boys.
the answer was no.

I need to focus. FOCUS. how? i need discipline. initiative. FoCUs!
I need resolutions, contemplations?, determination.
reflection. but those require time! i need time! but time is limit. So i need discipline and focus.
I need priorities. no. i need to prioritize. and then discipline and focus.

I need to wrap my mind around what is worth hoping for and then act accordingly. That hope is in Christ Jesus, and the last day. For what greater hope is there than that? Medicine? Family? Happy "fulfilling" life? Surely not. But how.. grasping and action is intertwined with fear and rebellion.

And so, I need to get it together. GET IT TOGETHER MATE! Get yourself together!

Jesus Christ, I think about Your sacrifice, You became nothing, poured out to death. Many times I´ve wondered at your gift of life, and I´m in that place once again.



Exams. What eternal purpose have thee? None.
fail lor.

but fail exam-->lose scholarship-->deported back to msia-->away from faithful biblical teaching-->no degree --> sweep floor in msia--> depression--> cry

fail exam = cry.


cry---> eat laksa ---> temporary fulfillment --> poor --> cry


me a river

Church Camp

Hey guys, its easter break for a week over here in sydney. I just came back from my church camp of 4 days. It was a good camp. The topic "Sexuality". I went without much expectations, thinking id prob be hearing all the same BGR stuff ive been listening to for the past 1 year-ish. True; that many things were similar. Some jokes were identical, illustrations were repeated. but it doesnt hurt to get reminded of things. In fact, its good. Reinforcement never makes something weaker right? Ive heard that Christ died on the cross, taking my sins upon him and paying the punishment for it, that is death- therefore, reconciling me to God. And this Jesus ressurected on the 3rd Day to rule over the world and will one day return to judge. The Easter message. Not the easter bunny chocolate egg one. The real easter message. Ive heard it so so so so so so so many times. At 1st, there came a point in life that it was just a phrase to me... something to be thankful for, but did not hold so much weight nor implication. But the more knowledge i have of it, the larger its implications for my life were. So much so that now, even hearing it for the 1890239012th time, it is still able to convict me, and blow me away. Why? I dont think it is because i am naive, nor is it because i am brought up this way,(as i said in the past, it was just but a phrase to me). I believe that its because its true. and I am thankful that God-willing, I have been able to understand and accept it as the truth. for without God, i would not be able to know that it is truth. How can i be absolutely sure it is true? i cannot convince you but I wish for you to find out for yourself-if it is indeed any of ur curiosity. In a sense, u get your chance to prove me wrong, but at the risk of proving your ownself wrong.

1 Cor 1:18-25
¹⁸For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. ¹⁹For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."^c]">[c]

²⁰Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? ²¹For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. ²²Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, ²³but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, ²⁴but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. ²⁵For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

well this is hardly what i meant by challenging camp topic. It discussed what the bible had to say about dating, marraige and singlehood. why certain things work in marraige and some dont. what is recommended. what is important. Will write it later. as of now, im sick. i wanna rest

Its easter week. and so shall my blog be fitting for such a week.

Happy Easter! even if it means nothing but yummy choc eggs and bunny to you...blwekkk :p

my throat's on fire, and i have a chewed up raw garlic clove in my mouth.
this is a strange new situation for me.

life's challenges.

rant. sorry.

Assignments are done. Now left with group project and a LOT of lectures to cover. sigh.
btw my laptop is still screwed up. I cant stress it or else id overheat and switch off. Im getting pretty tired of this bull, technician didnt come, they dropped my call after waiting so long, and they even said they'd call me back if it did drop. and they didnt.
i was already indifferent.. yet they still manage to annoy me. ergh... so sleepy.


i thought of changing the background of my blog because it looked childish.
but.
its fitting- for such a blog. At least its consistent.

i just got transfered twice to 2 different departments... why cant they JUST GET ME TO THE RIGHT ONE...
guess what, THEY TRANSFERED ME AGAIN.
4th department now.
total person talked to 6.
duration spent 50 mins.
Productivity : 0

i hope if anybody googles DELL SUCKS, DELL MADE ME WAIT FOREVER, DELL is shit, dell customer care, dell customer care cares nothing for their customer, dell customer care sucks, dell technician multiple transfers, outsource call, incompetent teleoperator, dell technician wrong parts, damaged laptop, dell technician, dell customer support wrong model.

duration 57 minutes, yerp- u guessed it, another transfer.
OMG LA.

Aus->phil->phil->Aus and back to a Phil-->philipines
6
SIXX!!!
but anyway, i didnt scold him or anything. infact i was nice and said please please send the right parts.
see, blogging is therapeutic.



the day i buy another dell is the day i get shot in the toe of my left foot with a hotdog launcher.


rant

people

People are a lot more reflective than we give them credit for.
why is it natural to think we ourselves are the only people who go through tough times?
strange.
I learn to recognize- that everyone thinks.
just as much as I do.

today i saw a case of mind-induced laziness, exemplified in the being named michael.
he slept. over, n over. In the bus, at home, while reading. and now is yawning.
it could be 1 of 2 things:
1. Assignments is not due tomorrow but the day after.
2. Waking up at 7.30 to play badminton. man, havent played badminton in ages, since sekolah menengah. and.. my raqeut at home is deformed already. but i still love it.

Chak! we shud play at kriba's place again 1 day. lol.

If i were a panda, i would eat some bamboo shoots and care not of this world.

but i am not. realities of life.

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Btw i also heard about the new PM announcement. lets just say im not too comfortable with it but hey, all authority- submit right? *nods* sigh..