PTSD

PTSD from exam. keep thinking - why am I such a retard. And really, that keeps playing over and over. I didnt even felt I perform to my already sub-par level of knowledge. All that practice and studying, and then bam- poor performance. Almost feel like a one-and-done. Luckily this one is thrice-and-quite-possibly-maybe-re-sit-until-you-pass.

One more to go.. need to study hard or taste failure. Which is not the end of the world.

But recently, have been thinking of the year fiill with the unexpected "poo"storm of life.

Ok not recently. ALL. THE. TIME.

final stretch.

mind scattered. must...




edit; its late, and night is where one is weakest. If i studied harder, if i read polio or more of neuro, if I felt a lipoma, if i sticked to structure, If i was more like my other friend, triple, quadruple-thinking everything, erring on the side of caution.. things wouldve have turned out like this. Would the "band of brothers" (so-to-speak) remain? I wished it remained till the end when Christ returns or when we die. I guess we'll find out..

treger

There are more days I go regretting how I did things than not. Reflective showers and pre-sleep contemplation. It's hard to live with regret, but it's worse when it is others who suffer for your folly. I am sorry. (even though that does not mean much in terms of outcome, and it surely doesnt really rectify anything)

But in all things, God is sovereign in working out what is good for those who love Him, to conform them to the likeness of His son.
Therein lies some degree of comfort.


Final exams tomorrow. I should've trusted my dad when he said engineering is the best.
I believe him now..