miscalculation

When I first came, being the thrifty person that I was, i calculated every single thing and typed it up in a spreadsheet. But being lazy, this only lasted about 3 months.

After that, i just did the thrifty thing in my head.
This only lasted 1 year.

Then i started spending more freely.

Then i move out to a more expensive accommodation.


Today, I was doing some much overdue calculation of funds.

What i discovered was really shocking.
If it were not for me saving up so much in my 1st and 2nd year, i would NOT have survived 3rd year (the year in which i did no calculation).

What birthed all these was that, I was trying to decide how much i could tithe consistently, and whether I would be able to give to 2 churches at 1 go.

I realised that I dont have enough to survive the year.
Either that or my extra expenses have to be no more than AUD1032 for the entire year.
By extra expenses, i mean anything outside of fixed monthly certainties (Rent, Utilities, Handphone, household, petrol, tithes).
Extra expenses including things like my own groceries, eating out, hair cuts, shampoo, etc..

100 per month for those? not possible. not unless i eat drumsticks and rice every dinner and sandwich every lunch. And not buy...well, anything else.

Dont talk about buying my own air ticket this year, dont even have enough for even my own expenses.

I cant believe moved out to this new place without calculating the consequences, LITERALLY calculating!


shit. well, either i call in the cavalries, ie. mom and dad, or I somehow continue chipping away at my savings from 1st and 2nd year until the well is dry.


NOW im considering moving out. before this i was so adamant about NOT moving out when someone asked. its funny how money drives people, or lack of.
2 bird, 1 stone.


Those who know my strict Rm3.50-Rm4 nasi lemak/day, 0 cups of soya bean in 1.5 years regime would know, this is quite distressing to me. sigh. I only have myself to blame for not calculating sooner. what have I done?!! :(

I saw someone getting told he had metastatic cancer, and that it wasnt curable (but can be treated to prolong life)

I saw the family, 3 generations present. Tight family, he was the only guy in the family. old guy. I suspect the father of his grandchild divorced or died, or the grandchild born out of wedlock.
They had contorted upset expressions, trying to hold in their tears. They were in the room crying. The doctor left to consult someone..and there I was....I wanted to leave too.

I learned something about myself that day, or reminded.

The way I cope with things is by escaping. Usually in the mind, but sometimes physically.


Another word for 'escaping' is 'running away'.

I feel my insides churning, both mind and body exhausted. this uncomfortable feeling is liken to one of break ups... The unsettling feeling of knowing its over, before its over. Its your mind preemptively preparing you for some things.

I cant help but feel like a selfish comfort worshiping person. Its funny how I can make a decision that is in the distant future which will seemingly be even more difficult than this... but then at this, ARGH. Am I deluded?

Its so much easier just not to be put in this position in the 1st place. And from the get go, i never felt I was up for it... but my prideful self also thought "im not that bad lah.. can make it"


WTH MANNNNNNNNNNNN! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. frustrated with the situation..

ignorance IS bliss, but ignorance is the suppression of truth.

"Kxxxxxxx Cxxxx
Say wert???! Bear Grylls speaking at Hillsong this Sat?"

Whaaat.... -_-"


haha

ARGH!!!! CURSE OF THE ACCIDENT.
I just backed up into an immobile car which I PARKED IN FRONT OF. i looked at my rear mirror and didnt see it!! (because my car is quite high....and i didnt look properly i guess). I reversed HARD and the sound "BOP".. I thought to myself, "what.. it cant be that I hit the tree, i reverse straight back (there was a tree at the back-right of my car). I got down and saw the car, and felt my heart sink. I drove my car home, half hoping to just ignore it; coz at 2am, nobody was there, and i bet the guy wouldnt be able to track me down once I go back to sydney and that my car will be sold off. lol.
but that is terribly evil, and I wouldnt want that to happen to me. So i left a note with my contact ( actually my dad's number, coz im flying off tmrw. haha).
As far as im concern, this stupid dent will cost less than RM100 to fix, esp if they just knock it back. However, i'm just afraid this guy takes this opportunity to replace the whole bonnet AND/OR repair the other damages of his car.

So i took some pictures of the damage as well as other damages on the car's body that WAS NOT caused by me.
What can I say, im 2 for 3. Last summer when I came back, my car skidded in the rain (I was driving at like 40-50km/h only) and i poked a car and the bumper got slightly damaged. That was out of my control, but that still ran me nearly RM200 to replace a NEW bumper (coz just fixing it wouldnt do, esp when someone else is paying).

anyway, enough rant. im upset, but its just RM200 tops. i shouldnt be too upset.
flying back tmrw, havent packed bcoz was chatting into the night.

sigh.

edit: mistake, it was early 2009 that my car skidded..

Babels and Babylons

Just spent about 3 hours reading stuff by atheist and about atheism. Also spent about 2 hours conversing with one. Lack of sleep not contributing positively to my sick health at all :\



Babels and Babylons, He brings low.

Home

Hi friends, quick update;

Its been awhile. I am back in Malaysia for my summer holiday. Its been 2 week since I got back. Before I realised it, so much time has passed. I felt and still feel like I hardly had anytime to catch a breather. Allergies are still making my mornings a mess, helped in the kindergarten.. and I left my ipod on the plane. Drove easily more than a thousand kilometers, attended a wedding, hosted some friends from singapore, met up with some old friends, assembled an IKEA drawer, cooked for the family, cooked for the dog, oscar! (what a spoilt dog, to some extent).

Its not what I imagined my holiday to be. I meant to do some research work, find time to read some books, catch up with some friends, read the bible with some & relax. Time did not allow, and i'm sorry to those who I havent yet met. (Case, sorry!)

Every year, I see myself changing (mostly non-physical :p), and yet every year most see me as the same person; with the exception of family and close friends who I meet often.
And on the flipside, I come back and see most people are still the same, although they may not be. I wonder sometimes, where is the growth? Is it not inevitable with time and experiences of life? But I do not mean to lament here, because there is just so much to rejoice about.

My parents, as much as they are always "fighting" with each other over the smallest things, are loving and understanding . And I have learnt to serve them and honour them as a son, not complaining but doing it out of love for them and God.

Ah, the wedding which I was busying myself with the past week; the union of 2 godly people under the Lordship of Christ. I am soooooo happy for them. I may not be hugging and crying, but my insides grin everytime I think about them now being husband and wife! Congrats Andy and Sze Wen! :)

Friends from singapore, thanks for visiting! It was my pleasure hosting you guys, even though you guys came for the shortest duration ever, and the period which I was most busy, between music practices and whatnot. Didnt even get to bring you to my fav char siew place. But, your company and fellowship was much loved. Do come again, and this time for a proper holiday, if time allows. Or maybe ill just pop down. It seems I wont have much time before going back to sydney, so i will probably just see you

CERC church, to see it grow from a few people to so so many people, and growing more still, to talk to the members, seeing them interact with each other, struggle and rejoice together; all this has been such an encouragement. I wonder sometimes if 2 hour messages would deter people from listening but I guess as long as God's word is faithfully preached, it will convict people. Baffles me sometimes, but the Gospel is indeed the power of God for salvation.

My college friends whom ive hardly met except for that one dinner, well, more to come I hope .. :p

The next 2-3 weeks is already laid out for me. I better start preparing for it.
Home mercilessly gives me no time to rest. You know what they say, resting is for the weak.
haha.