Pride

I am quite frustrated now. and also angry. This is an evil post because im about to bash on someone whom i should not.There are many types of pride. Everybody posses this evil little thing in them. Its just whether they keep it in check, use it to their advantage, or to their disadvantage. I was contemplating Googling "pride" and "types of pride" to find out if there were proper terms but my torrents are downloading important things and im just too lazy to be bothered.
Now, 1st of there is the stupid pride, which is divided to 2:
Stupid pride-turkey & lamb: They show off, talk big, act like bloody better than everyone.but they're rich, maybe smart, or maybe they're really better. They actually have something to back up they're claims. I dont like them at all but i dont hate them either- dont mind em,sometimes.

Stupid pride-empty can: Talk big, show off, act superior but the only thing they posses is an uncontrollable ego and shameless confidence. I dont quite care about these people. Its a waste of energy to even entertain them. I normally just go with whatever is playing. Say "yes" "Ohhh.. wahh" "izzit???".. and just drift away ASAP.

Subconscious pride - i think this is inbuilt in everyone. Im sure everybody loves to be praised, especially when they actually deserve it. When u did well in an exam and ur mom said "good job sport" (lol..) Or when ur friends say "wahh ____ (fill in compliment)" and u'd reply "no laaa" but ure happy inside. Dont deny it. Not all the time of course but once awhile. If it isnt about accomplishments that get u, maybe its compliments about ur looks? anything... there's certainly something that makes you glow inside. Nothing wrong with this. Just keep it in check and try not to "fish" for too many compliments.

Now, what i wanna blog about is Denial-Pride. "What the hell is that?!" you say. Well, if JK Rowling can make up words and get them into the dictionary (muggle) then i sure as hell can say DENIAL-PRIDE. or hidden pride.
I think its the worst kind of pride. Why? "The first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem" said a wise man. (=p) Now, the 1st 2 types of pride have already taken the 1st step. (the 3 one isnt really a bad 1, hence no need to recover from it.i think - unless u wanna end up a prideless person = worm) Being loudmouth,showy,etc, it is obvious that you are a proud monkey. (which also happens to be a name of a band.. or a song by dave matthew's band)
This silent pride (thats right! ima gonna change the name as i desire- keep up critters!!) is when a person does something because he "wants face" or just too damn proud, BUT tricks him/herself into thinking that he is doing it for some other reason.
A few examples would be:
A proud man who is a drunkard, when drunk, will say "i drank because i was so depressed."
A drunkard bum however will not defend himself and say "coz i like to drink." or "coz it makes me happy"

A proud man who donates will donate because he wants to get recognition,praise "wow ure so generous, ure so kind, ure such a great man, God send you to be a blessing"
A man who donates will donate without expecting to reap anything, be it mere compliments or even self worth.

Now we shall look deeper into scenario 2. When a man donates to the poor, then smiles- is he smiling because the poor has now something to eat? or is he smiling because he thinks "ive done something for society. Ive done my share. Im glad i was able to part with that 1 million, share my riches" "im not that self centered after all" BULLSHIT! All this translates to "because of ME,the poor benefited" ok, fine. Credit given where credit is due- donation, regardless of its motives, are still donations. Something is better than nothing. You pay for a dying boy's medical expenses for the sake of getting into the newspaper. At least for the boy, it makes a real difference.
BUT WE'RE NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE GOOD SIDE OF THIS ARE WE? NO!

(ok.. i took a longggg pause. Went to mamak and 4 hours later, the frustration which once propelled me to write this post has long faded. hmmm...)
*takes awhile to resume*

OK! RAGGHHH!!! RAAAAAGHHHH!!! *psyches self*

sighh.. i cant.. its gone.. the anger.. nuuuuuuuuuu... ill just write to close it up then..
Like i mentioned above, pride must be kept in check and under control. However, since the denial type of pride can sometimes be less conscious to some, it isnt that easy.

When someone asks for your help, someone you know needs help. To help them would be out of the way, against others wishes. But you help em anyway. He is neither your close friend nor do you know him that well. HECK you are already helping him as it is but its not enough. People are greedy. You give them a car, soon they'll want a house.(beri betis mahu paha) You know this guys history. He is as close as a scammer as you can get.Class A bum. A good 85%, statistically, tells you that u'd be screwed over. Yes by help i mean material/financial. Bottom line- you still "forced" it and helped him. "But i am helping others" you say.Yes. that is true. I believe that there obviously are people who help because they want to help- nothing else. Now, how do we draw the line between being kind, helping out of a charitable heart,(God's word,His will etc) and wanting to "have face" aka extreme version of baiting for compliments (Self willed)?
I wouldnt know for sure. But i sure as hell know sacrificing OTHER peoples feelings and things, disregard to the advice of your financial adviser and to you spouse, to a point you lose your temper,scold and shout about things that require none of those, to people that does not deserve them. On one hand i feel like writing more, on another, i feel it is a violation to privacy. but i can tell you this, IT IS F***ed UP. And i am DEAD CERTAIN the motive is due to pride. Too bad he thinks its doing good. " I already promise people" Promise already so i guess no choice but to give that guy a crap ass load of money? Just coz you big mouth go promise doesnt mean that you can give other peoples property away. Bah.. this is shit.
Just remember, when you're old, dont become senile and do this kinda shit to.... anyone.

Sigh... the more you know about a person, the more flaws you find in them.. So to remain distant is to remain perfect, in they're eyes.